Today I Became Wedged Between Doors at Work: An Epiphany

Some people experience epiphanies during exhilarating, life changing events. Mine, was the moment a tube of rolled paper strapped to my rucksack like a hitch-hikers sleeping mat, became wedged between the two doors I was walking through in an attempt to leave work. Customers glared at me as I yanked at my rucksack and my colleague stood behind me confused by the situation. I was the only one laughing. These kinds of things are a regular occurrence for me, but this particular occasion felt like a metaphor. 

Nothing especially bad happened in 2018 but for me the year felt like those seconds I was struggling to free my artwork from the doors I was stuck in between: embarrassed, defeated, helpless and a bit of a joke. It wasn't my work that was holding me back though last year, it was me. I adopted a defeatist mindset and a pessimistically stubborn attitude. I had become the grumpy, old cat my future destined me to be - resentful and jealous of others around me, failing to recognise I was the project of my own demise. I stopped believing in 2018. Or rather, I stopped believing in myself, my capabilities and my future.

I haven't paid particular attention to the 'New Year, New Me' mantra that swirls around during the January blues before. But at the turn of this year, I was teetering on the edge of my seat with flared nostrils and anxiety sweats, waiting for the bells to chime so I could passionately bellow, "BANISH 2018!". 

The next time I catch myself slumping into '2018 Ish' I will quietly remember, that  becoming wedged in a door at work is not vastly dissimilar to being stuck between a positive and negative mindset. It's important to work on your own progress, if it's freeing yourself from a door or something far more monumental. Focus on you, avoid comparing yourself to others but most importantly, laugh through the difficult times (even the embarrassment of customers glaring aghast).